so long.....

YO!


since my last post I figured I would write in something.
I have been enjoying the weather. I rode my motorcycle all weekend since it was fairly nice. upper 40's all the way up to the 70's.

It was fun. BMX also got ridden all weekend, so I am a little sore today. no worries. no plans, just going to chill.

I love Jill.
I want to ask her to get a place together or maybe since the kids are out of the house all summer it would be cool to give up my apartment stay at hers for the summer, we both could save money and get a big cool place....

I don't think she's cool with that just yet. to tell you the truth I am not sure I am just either. we don't fight or argue or anything but there are somethings that we need to work on before that ever happens.

I am down to give it a shot though.

My dad... had my neice (Notice he didn't call) call me because he wanted to see me and the kids. Nathan and Mya were at Tara's so I just went. it was weird. I haven't talked to or seen him since last summer. I never know what to say to him. he wasn't really there at all when I needed him most. I feel as though he is reaching out because he thinks that he's dying. who knows though. I don't hear from him ever. I found out he was sick and in the hopital from my neice. I didn't know. He's fine now, from what I can tell. I don't know how to process this recent outreach for forgiveness. if it is even that. I am not sure. I guess we'll see where it goes...


a little back ground info.....

my parents divorced when I was in 5th grade. I was attending boarding school in Whapeton North Dakota. He found someone else and left my mom. Their marriage wasn't the greatest I can remember yelling at my Dad to stop hitting my mom, to stop yelling at each other. He was a jerk to her. I hated that. still do. well fast forward two years. in that time my mom and I moved to Texas and lived with her sister in Austin. we lived there for about a year then moved back to minnesota.... north Minneapolis to be exact. and from that point it started going down hill as far as my dad contacting me or even paying his child support. well after so many times and so many years of vieing for his attention I gave up since it wasn't in him to be a father to me. once and a while he would come around and buy something for me to try and win my trust back. I used him for that in 7th grade. new bike, new skateboard, new clothes.... what ever I wanted. since then I haven't heard much from him. contact dwindled. affection left. now when ever I see him (which is about twice a year) I don't get anything out of him. having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth. I gave up.

I didn't have him all my important "growing" years. I don't need him now. I wasted a lot of energy on that man.